Halo Season 1, Episode 2 ("Unbound") is 50 minutes of filler. Some exposition is dumped. Some characters are introduced. Nothing else happens that couldn't have happened at the end of the previous episode. The Master Chief turns himself in to the UNSC for no clear external reason. There's no action. We're told multiple times of some existential war raging between humanity and the Covenant, but we never see any evidence of this. In fact humanity seems to be doing just fine. We do, finally, see our first spaceship, but only one. Bokeem Woodbine runs the Halo version of Omega from Mass Effect 2.
The cast is devoid of any characterization. What is there to the Chief? What about Kwan? How would you describe them? What are their traits? Confused? Lost? I don't know; I don't know what they want. None of the characters are engaging or compel me to keep watching. None of the actors have any charisma.
The world feels weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable. The cinematography is serviceable for a television ad but has no art or style. Visuals of Reach and High Charity lack their personality from the actual Halo franchise and feel, ironically, more like empty, vapid video game open worlds than they do in any of the games. The only thing that stands out to me is that they used the Halo: Combat Evolved door opening sound, but it was for a human door, so what was even the point? It didn't even make sense in context. The use of the score from the games is pitiful. It is astonishing that such great music could be used so badly.
"You're Just Mad It's Not Like Halo"
This series is about a man in green armor who escorts a girl through space. It has no relation to the Halo franchise whatsoever but merely uses its name for brand recognition. I therefore conclude that Halo on Paramount+ is literally a scam. It is a con to trick you out of your money. If you slap a recognizable name on a product without following through on your promise, you're trying to cheat your customers. You aren't selling what you're selling. I've bought a Coke, and you've given me a can full of piss with a Coke label. I'm not obligated to drink it, and I'm not obligated to say, "I know it's labeled 'Coke,' but it's just doing its own thing!"
No one would disagree that mislabeling food is cheating. Why do apologists exist for TV?
JJ Abrams' Star Trek is bad, but at least his movies go through the motions of being adaptations. The characters have the right names. The world looks sort of like it should. There's Star Trek stuff everywhere. The narrative is what's different. I can live with that, because at least that feels like you're getting what you paid for, sort of. It just happens to suck. But this? What is this if not piss in a Coke can?
I can smell the urine at my lips. But some people are beginning to legitimately praise this show, and I feel obligated to inject negativity into the discourse every week. So I can’t put the can down yet.
