I wonder what the paid-off TV critics and YouTube media commentariat are saying about The Last of Us on HBO now that the final episode has aired. It isn't hard to guess. It "REIMAGINES THE ZENITHS OF GREATNESS." It "PAVES THE WAY FOR ALL FUTURE VIDEO GAME ADAPTATIONS." It "OOZES ORIGINALITY AND CREATIVITY.”
Etc.
I haven't checked. I don't intend to. My mental health isn't fortitudinous enough to bear all that right now. It seems unlikely that there's anything this series could have done that wouldn't have been met with critical effulgence. One needn't look further than Part II for a clear demonstration of that. These media commentators are so vapid that one pictures their filet mignon returning from the kitchen as instead a pile of dog feces; but the waitress is pretty, and causing a scene might lead to being kicked out, and the chef isn't supposed to serve waste matter. So they eat it, good patrons that they are, and report how delicious it was to all their friends the next day, and upon returning at some later date, make sure to ask, "Can I have more of what you served last time?"
The real question isn't why they do it. It's whether or not they've convinced themselves to like it. I truly hope they haven't.
The Puppetshow
Two months ago I wrote this about the series' pilot episode:
I’ve heard from critics who have watched the whole series that Episode 1 is merely “the really bad one.” They assure the audience that this episode is slow, but the others pick up the pace, get into plot, and carry things in the right direction.
I sincerely hope they’re right. But after this snooze pandemic, I’m not optimistic. At best the rest of the series will be fine—worse than the game on every level, but at least more portable and easier to show off to strangers.
This optimistic prognosis devolved immediately the next week:
Everything about tonight’s episode is wrong. It has the tone wrong; it has the setting wrong; it has the story wrong; and worst of all, worst by far, it has the characters so, so wrong. For fans of the first game, its bizarrely-delivered dialogue and non-existent characterizations will be so maddening, so infuriating and dick-twisting, that it will seem like nothing more than parody.
...there’s nothing more to say on the series. It is phoned-in and cliche-riddled, and it’s not The Last of Us. And while it might be fun to analyze something that’s really bad, it isn’t that much fun to analyze something lazy and boring. It isn’t worth the time.
I've forced myself to watch every episode since (and I do mean forced). And every week I've come home, stared at my keyboard, and wondered what there might possibly be to say that I haven't said already.
The answer is nothing.
Episode 1 was not just "the really bad one." Every prediction I made came true. The Last of Us on HBO is a boring, poorly scripted, poorly acted rip-off of the video game of the same name. While its plot is basically recreated, nothing that actually makes the game work--its characters, its themes, its setting--has been replicated. Yet these things are not independent of the plot; they are what inform it. As such the series is utterly incoherent. It makes no sense. By the time you reach the end, you won't understand Ellie and Joel's relationship. You won't feel invested. You won't care. You won't understand anyone's motivations. You'll be wondering why Joel feels the need to commit any murder at all to save Ellie after she's spent nine episodes acting like a tremendous asshole to him, relentlessly, while also having no charisma or style that might make her endearing to be around.
There will be paeans sung about how amazing this series is. I know it. They're probably out already. And I could spend tens of thousands of words explaining why these people are probably on HBO's payroll. But let's face it: I've done that already. Go read my last three reviews. In them I saw clearly, right away, why the show wouldn't work. I divined that the character Joel was set up to be was not compatible with the character he would need to be by the end of the series: someone who kills an entire hospital full of armed guards and tortures two random cannibals to death.
I was right. The plot demanded Pedro become Video Game Joel at the end, but it makes no sense in the context of the series. They did it anyway.
The same is true for Ellie. They've cut out every bit of characterization. She's left with nothing.
The themes, like stray ears in the abattoir, have been butchered to pieces. In the final, iconic scene, Mazin strenuously avoids using the word "survivor," as he has all series.
Why? I don't know. But the end result is that, like Ellie, the thematic core of The Last of Us is left with nothing. The actors might as well be puppets on strings, performing out a stage play adaptation of the game. Its only additions to the source material are boring, pointless flashbacks that do nothing but detract from the time we might spend with Joel and Ellie.
So I won't waste any more time on this series. I won't point out how lazy the confrontation with David is. I won’t mention how everyone has spent the last two months defending the utter lack of action in this series by saying, "It wouldn't be realistic!" only for the final episode to have such absurd, Tarantino-esque over-the-top action that it's farcical. I won't identify the reasons why the ending doesn't work if the vaccine is definitely real, why removing almost all of the game’s infected has basically made the need for the cure nonexistent, and I definitely won't complain about how fucked up the pacing is.
You know why? Because I've done it all already. Everything in my first three reviews holds true (except the slight optimism). The writers and directors and actors had no understanding of the subject matter at hand and could manage nothing more than to parody it. Pedro and Bella are puppets on strings acting out a script loosely defined for them by the game, then poorly and very quickly adapted for the screen by Mazin. At no point did anyone care. At no point was any analysis offered for what makes the game work. No one did any hard work at all.
The Last of Us is lazy, pointless, and unbelievably boring. Its dialogue is excruciating. It has none of the magic of the game. It has some of the least interesting characters ever put to television. And if you disagree, my dog produced a meal this morning that I'm certain you'll find delicious.
It's in this little black bag. Here, try a bite.
